ASCOT FAQ

ASCOT-World is a support group and social club for amputees, those with other disabilities, and their admirers (devotees). I began referring to devotees as admirers about 10 years ago as the term devotee implies a fetish and objectifies those they are attracted to. Admirers are simply men and women who find amputees and or disabled people attractive. It is not just the presence of a stump or a wheelchair or leg-braces they are interested in...it is our strengths, the way we adapt and do things differently, overcome hurdles in our lives, and who we are because of what we have survived.

Most admirers have known of their attraction since they were very young and many of them have been ashamed of it for many years as well. I like to characterize the attraction as very much like the more socially acceptable attraction to hair color or breast size. It is an initial interest that draws the couple together but as with any relationship, there must be more in common between the two people for a relationship to develop. As one admirer said to me: "My own interest is piqued by how well she copes with her disability, how well she transcends it, and in the special ways that she does things. I prefer a woman who is confident and competent, not downtrodden. Of course, like any mature individual, she knows how to accept assistance that is thoughtfully offered, and how to ask for help when she needs it. Meanwhile, she gets on with her life, moving gracefully and happily forward in her wheelchair."

I have been an amputee for almost 23 years. My marriage ended after I lost my leg, and after being rejected by some men because I was ‘different’, and merely tolerated by others, I was thrilled to find out there are men who not only don't mind that I am an amputee, but appreciate my differences. Since founding ASCOT I have met many admirers and for the most part they are intelligent, caring, respectable men that any woman would be proud to know. They are aware that we are women first, last and always. I have found that the expression: "We are not life support systems for a stump" expresses very well what must exist between an amputee and her admirer for a relationship to flourish.

Of course there are "bad apples" who, fortunately, are in the minority, but they give the entire community of admirers a bad reputation. Most of them are caring, decent, intelligent men and women that any woman or man would be proud to know. Admirers pretty much follow the same ranges in personality types and behaviors as the general population. It's just that the bad actors get most of the attention and when people hear of some admirer acting inappropriately, they often assume that all admirers are like that.

I host two or three conferences a year for ascot members to meet and get to know one another in person. The conferences are informal, casual, social get-togethers of old friends and new. There are usually 20-35 people who attend, and I usually have fairly equal numbers of men and women. There are 15 or more couples who are now engaged or married who have met through ASCOT-World. The next conference is here in CT in May. You can read about it and view photos on the Conference page at http://www.ascotworld.com/conf.html.

The fee for the men is $300-$325 depending on location. That money is used to pay travel and hotel expenses for the single ladies and to buy food for the whole group. Couples who attend together are charged a smaller fee of $100, since they pay all of their own expenses and if they are a disabled couple I waive that fee for them.

I have a web page at http://www.ascotworld.com and my e-mail is jama@ascotworld.com   I also have a yahoo group ladies with disabilities at http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/YaYa-Sisterhood-with-Disabilities and there is a database on the group of admirers to avoid. I set this up so the members could warn other members about known "bad apples".

If you would like any more information, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Jama L Bennett, M.Ed.